service temporarily suspended

Todays my birthday.

Or at least it was meant to be.  M is meant to be huffing and puffing. D is meant to be running around and huffing and puffing. I am meant to be getting ready to leave my little cocoon. Today is meant to be my birthday. But its not. But thats ok. Because i am here and doing well. True its been a bit of a haul to get here. But here I am. And thats the main thing. But you know, yes, it wasn’t meant to be like this. I wasn’t really meant to be here. I wasn’t meant to go through all the things I had to. M&D weren’t meant to go through all they did.  But at the end of the day, sometimes, things are just meant to be.

Top ten things about being at home…

10. its not a hospital.

9. The only bongs I hear are my little monitor thing which tells me that its too hot in here. That’s what you get when you close all the windows so bugs don’t fly in. And close the doors so the cats don’t jump on me. And put 3 blankets on me cos you just never know do you….

8. Britney only appears on the TV and not as some fag smoking whore next to me.

7. I do actually get my medicines (well most of the time) rather than at the weekends in hospital where everyone forgot to give them to me and I screamed a lot as the burning milk came flying up my throat and the little white firemen with their hoses of calmy milky lovliness were nowhere in sight…. Gaviscon, dear. Gaviscon.

6. I get lovely visitors who I can smile at and not random death breath randoms randomly wandering past staring at me with their death breath and staring at me…DON’T LOOK AT THE BABY! And breathe….

5. I am gently rocked to sleep and read lovely bedtime stories rather than being dragged around HDU by a big breasted nurse. Although come to think about it…..

4. I don’t have to listen to baby Mozart on the CD every afternoon. Yes I know it has repetitive melodies which mean I can understand them and grow my brain. But OMG its dull. What about N-Dubz eh? Am so street….in a mainstream kind of way…

3. I am not stabbed, poked, rummaged with and flipped upside down every 3 hours. Although if you ever have to witness D trying to change my undercrackers you might not think that anymore….

2. When I rollover and bash my head against the side of the cot instead of it being plastic its all soft and white and whickery and soft. Although that does obviously create panic when I stuff my face into it…

1. I get to spend lots of time with M&D. Ahhh. Am such a soppy b*****d. xx

Nuff said

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

in the blue corner....

5lb 12oz. I'm fat. I'm round. Please don't bounce me on the ground as it might hurt my head and my fontenella isn't formed yet and then social services will be called.....Sammy Lee, Sammy Lee...... Doesn't have quite the same ring to it does it....Ah well. M&D are clearly fat feeding me. Theres a Channel 4 documentary about that....

oh... you spotted the bow...

yeh well its ralph lauren so live with it....and its from Vegas. Am so international. Don't wear fur. Save the whale. Wear slightly gay white bows.

and the whole world smiles with you....

i will only sleep on Mies van der Rohe...

me still no likey the water...

apologies for being slack

in an effort to get my scribe to post something - he says hes a bit tired as apparently getting up through the night to feed me and change my pants is taking it out of him bless. Mum is fine as she is made of stronger stuff. Anyway yes where was i oh yes - he says hes going to post some new pics of me up and then write something a bit later....we may even have a top 10! xx

its monday......

yes its monday now..... wobble wobble patrick duffy's now towelling himself down....

So monday then. I must say nothing really happened of any great interest today. It was all routine, which is exactly what we all wanted to be honest. D went to starbucks which was nice. M&D had microwave curry which was not nice. D wanted a nice glass of red but wasn't allowed due to the 'rules' (are made to be broken man....) of the hospital. Apparently you can rub alcohol on your hands all day long but you can't have a nice barolo when you fancy it...

Lovely 'By eck hes grand i like it dirty' nursey fixed the air con with the aid of men in overalls so now i don't need to wrap up like an eskimo tonight or listen to D complain about it with his tiny baby blankets covering his ankles. A nice quiet night ahead of us then - apart from me screaming my head off for burgers every 4 hours obviously.....

re-re-wind....

wobble wobble the screen is all going fuzzy and patrick duffy is appearing in the shower....yes you're right - this is a flashback..... As my secretary has apparently been busy, pah thats what i say....or pa, maybe. anyway i digress, ok so imagine its Sunday night.....wobble wobble cue funny music.....

OMG its sunday and i'm still in LDU....but wait what is this? I have just spotted D dragging an enormous suitcase down the corridor and turning into room B - M&D must have come to stay for erm well about 3 weeks by the size of that suitcase. And woah hang on i'm on the move....well this is interesting - its like the luge just a lot slower and not as icy. So not really like the luge after all - more like being pushed slowly down a corridor in a plastic cot.... anyway here i am in a new room. Cool. er not so much cool as ruddy freezing. There seems to be icy blasts coming out of some flaps in the ceiling. D is standing on a chair sticking his fingers in them....thats only going to end in disaster me thinks.... So anyway get on with it.... ok so this is called 'rooming' in and its where M&D are given complete control over me (lord help us all) for 2 days - not 3 weeks then....

Well frankly it all went swimmingly especially as i have now gotten in to the routine where i get 'changed' and then have some lovely food and thats when i decide to stare off into the distance and let the 6.15 doncaster to kings cross out of the tunnel. No stopping. 12 coaches. Fast..... Nice. And then i have to get changed again where i go a bit bonkers as i'm now full and then barf a bit. Buts thats all the fun of rooming in. The beauty actually is the fact that there are some lovely nurses on tap just down the corridor to ask questions, so you have the slightly odd scenario of M&D wandering around the ward at 3am leaning over the counter asking things like 'can a baby burst with too much milk'. No need to worry about me then....

I'm ruddy well home I am....

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

T minus 1 hour....

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Thwarted at the last hurdle...

They've only booked me in for another eye test tomorrow lunchtime and i was all ready to run outta here by 8am..... ah well whats another few hours....lets hope i can still see as that would be a real bugger....

Blood tests in....

am so strong and virile.....my Hb levels have literally SHOT UP erm... from 7.7 to 7.8pts....Ahem. Anyway this fairly turgid efforts has resulted in me not having to have a blood transfusion today. Hurrah. But it does mean i have to come back next week for another blood test to see if i've made it to 7.9!

One step closer

So there you go, look at me and everything going into my own room - and what a lovely room it is. There are some light blue curtains which make me look even more pale than i already am and a bed hiding under another bed which M&D had to pull out to sleep on last night. M was fine as she had the duvet. D moaned that he was cold as he was under the 'blowing like a hurricane' air conditioner and only had what looked like one of my blankets on him. Bless him the big girl. Anyway back to me. My first night went swimmingly really. After my 12.30 burger and chips it was going to be another 4 hours until i could have a kebab so i thought i'd test M&D by screaming the place down at 2am to see if after only 8 hours of really looking after me they would ruin 12 weeks of carefully managed feeding times and give in......OH YEH BABY! So pigling bland me had a kebab at 2am and then my plan backfired a bit as i was so full i slept all the way to 8.30. So my plan of generally screaming throughout the night went slightly awry. Ah well theres always tonight.....

Movin out of the little dude unit....

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

in the words of Micky Bubbles...

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In LDU and Winnicott
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you M&D, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the posts that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My milk was cold and flat
And i deserve more than that

Another aeroplane (on a mobile above my head)
Another sunny place
I’m lucky, I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside (my incubator)
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me (as you had been to a tropical country and wasn't allowed in)
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come (my god how long have i been here)
And gone away
In even LDU and HDU
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you M&D, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home


xxxxx