10. its not a hospital.
9. The only bongs I hear are my little monitor thing which tells me that its too hot in here. That’s what you get when you close all the windows so bugs don’t fly in. And close the doors so the cats don’t jump on me. And put 3 blankets on me cos you just never know do you….
8. Britney only appears on the TV and not as some fag smoking whore next to me.
7. I do actually get my medicines (well most of the time) rather than at the weekends in hospital where everyone forgot to give them to me and I screamed a lot as the burning milk came flying up my throat and the little white firemen with their hoses of calmy milky lovliness were nowhere in sight…. Gaviscon, dear. Gaviscon.
6. I get lovely visitors who I can smile at and not random death breath randoms randomly wandering past staring at me with their death breath and staring at me…DON’T LOOK AT THE BABY! And breathe….
5. I am gently rocked to sleep and read lovely bedtime stories rather than being dragged around HDU by a big breasted nurse. Although come to think about it…..
4. I don’t have to listen to baby Mozart on the CD every afternoon. Yes I know it has repetitive melodies which mean I can understand them and grow my brain. But OMG its dull. What about N-Dubz eh? Am so street….in a mainstream kind of way…
3. I am not stabbed, poked, rummaged with and flipped upside down every 3 hours. Although if you ever have to witness D trying to change my undercrackers you might not think that anymore….
2. When I rollover and bash my head against the side of the cot instead of it being plastic its all soft and white and whickery and soft. Although that does obviously create panic when I stuff my face into it…
1. I get to spend lots of time with M&D. Ahhh. Am such a soppy b*****d. xx
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