cough cough splutter splutter

 The evil wintery wet weather and blowy winds are upon us and so are the demented old crones who lean in at me in my maxicosi ™ car seat with their knarled old teeth and breath of a thousand years and go, ‘oooooooo look at him, he’s a bonny wee thing isn’t he..” To be fair it wasn’t a mass or a herd maybe of knarled old crones advancing upon me but just one but frankly that’s enough in my book. Anyway the long and short and tall of it and well yes it may seem churlish to blame one person BUT why not eh….the upshot is I’ve got a right old cough. Poor me. Yes poor me. The reason people are drowned in anti-bacterial goop at hospital and the reason why there is a pot/tub/bottle/jar/pump action vessel ion virtually every available nook and cranny in my house is because I am apparently very susceptible to nasty little germs advancing on my under-developed lung system so random cronage jabbing their unclean unclean unclean fingers at me and rubbing my face (do strangers rub your face? No thought not) aren’t the best practice for keeping me germ free. So off I toddle (well not quite) off to the docs yesterday to get checked out. Nice doctor man although quite intent on stripping me down to my leisure pants (I thought I was staying in ok) looked in all the relevant crevices and declared my chest was ok, although he did have quite a lot of hair in his ears so not sure if any sound was possible, but I had a red throat thus creating the hacking cough of a 50 a day lambert and butler man. Nice. Anyway the upshot (used twice you will notice in one post0 is M&D have to keep a close beady eye on me incase it gets worse. And oh surprise surprise it has. So I’m off again this morning to the young doctor with the clean ears. Hopefully he’ll give me some benelyin or something and not like my mate George whos bad chest ended up with them giving him a puffin. Why the docs gave him a random sea fish/mammal god only knows…oh my mistake – a puffer – to help him breathe….

Anyway the moral and upshot (word of the day apparently) is clean your ruddy hands with antibacterial gels, have three showers in it and then drink a load of it if you are about to come within 10 feet of me. Oh and don’t look me in the eye. Am such a diva…..