In the blue corner....

weighing in at 4lb 12.7oz.......its Alfie 'the wind machine' Saker-Rimmer.....

sha la la la ,,,,

When I was young
I never needed anyone (not actually true that but go with it..)
And making poo was just for fun
Those days are gone

Livin' alone
I think of all the friends I've known
When I dial my bongerphone
Nobody's home

All by myself
Don't wanna be
All by myself
Anymore

Hard to be sure
Sometimes I feel so insecure (especialy when the port holes were left open)
And loves so distant and obscure
Remains the cure

All by myself
Don't wanna be
All by myself
Anymore
All by myself
Don't wanna live
All by myself
Anymore


So the shouters and the screamers and the moaners and the worriers have all left. Gone. Far from here. All that is left from the original crew are George, Theo and me.... actually that was the original crew so sod the other late joiners.... Anyway its all change down at the Little Dude Unit - by this time next week this place (hopefully touch wood etc blah blah) will ring to a different tune as the LD posse word to yo muther crew, will all have gone home...... yes me included!!! OMG!

water....ugh!!!!

Me and my mum

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Baaaaaarf.

So – I desated after my 4 hourly feed at lunctime today – ‘hes telling us that he’s not tolerating them’…. And then I went very pale and barfed up. And then went a bit floppy. And then went a bit more pale. And then I made a strange sound in my pants. And then I fell asleep. And my stats went up to 97. And I went pink again. Am such a joy.

Big jugs

So I’m now on bottles and seem to be coping ok. I’m on 180mg per kg so that’s about half a bottle of stuff every 4 hours…. Oh yes forgot to mention that. I am now on 4 hourly feeds. Clever old stick that I am. This carefully managed decision was taken when I chewed on my hand after a feed the other night. Apparently chewing on ones hand is the international sign for ‘id like to move from 3 hourly to 4 hourly feeds please’ – so as I was duly given a load more milk and from now on have been on 4’s. ‘he told us he wanted to go on 4 hourly…..’ oh did i? hope I don’t accidently rub my head and stomach at the same time as we all know that’s the international symbol for ‘I’d like the largest suppository you have please….’ Oh heavens.

Who nose what’s going on….

After pointing out that my nose tube was coming out all afternoon by sticking my fingers in the loopy bit that was supposed to be stick to my face  I eventually pulled it out myself which if you’ve ever pulled a tube out that sits in your stomach out through your nose you’ll know its not the most comfortable of feelings so I went a bit mad and then they finally noticed and said ‘ohhhh hes telling us he wants to feed completely from the bottle’. ‘No I’m not - I’m 11 weeks old I have no idea what a tube is or a bottle for that matter, I pulled my nose tube out because when I fling my arms around my fingers get caught in the loopy bit and then I grab stuff and pull on it, although I am quietly pleased that you feel I am making considered decisions about my feeding requirements at such an early age bless you –I am not!

Oh blimey I've got hiccups...

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you talkin' to me?

You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well I'm the only one here. You talkin' to me? Good because i can hear you loud and clear after passing my hearing test with flying colours. So i do have ears. And they work....

Bugs schmugs..

So since Sunday I’ve been feeling a little under the weather again. The closer you are to the door the harder it seems it is to get through it. I’m still breathing on my own my but I’ve been having more desats and generally look like I’m about to burst when I go bright red, my face goes all wrinkly and my body writhes in what can only be described as agony. This has been going on for a bit too long for them to keep saying ‘oh its erm…normal that’….’his foots fallen off? Oh that’s erm normal that is…’ Hmm anyway ‘Godden the great appeared on Monday and said ‘oh yes bahhhh we’ll bahhh do the little chaps bloods a day early to see what hes up to. Now ‘bloods’ are drained from me every Tuesday and check for all things from hemaglobin levels to infection markers to um… well all sorts of other things as well. Anyway well this threw the cat amongst the proverbial pigeons as that was most irregular – a day early – how will they cope? Well surprisingly it all went a bit tits up. So they did take the blood on Monday and then it came back mon night saying my hemoglobin had dropped – uh oh whats that  coming over the hill? is it a transfusion… and my infection markers were on the borderline of being bunged full of antibiotics again. Bugger. So as they were so close the Doc said we should repeat them on Tuesday yet when doc manana manana came on he just waived the request with a Mediterranean hand saying that there was no request in the notes so ‘no I am nota de doinga de bloodsa.’ Hmm. So then yesterday I went blue a few times and desated quite a lot again and went bright red and felt like poo. So after lots of lobbying by Mum to the nurses they said they’d bleep the doc and see if they could get more bloods done as yes ‘I wasn’t right, and maybe I should be on antibiotics….’ Yes love I ruddy should be if I’ve got an infection – do you not remember the last time when I was soooooo ill. No? Anyway to cut a quite a long story already a little bit shorter…. The latest update is…..

D rings up last night goes something like this…

Special care baby unit nurse blah blah blah

Hello its martin

Oh hello blah de blah

Oh yes yada yada yada

Anyway hows he doing have his bloods been done?

Oh yes his hb levels are the same and the crp (infection) markers are down so nothing to worry about

Oh right that was quick

Erm yes…well thing is they were actually done in the morning by the night doc but he didn’t tell anyone…..

So we’ve spent all day trying to get them done worried he had an infection or might need a blood transfusion and you lovely nurse has also been thinking that yes they should be done as you’ve seen him get worse and unbeknown to all of us they were already done??

Erm yes.

Right…… so whats causing all the pain and desats?

Erm… his new milk maybe….

Right.

And you wonder why M&D look a bit tense now and then. I was never worried myself and did an enormous poo to celebrate which to be honest seemed to do the trick and sort me right out. And in other not as dull as that long winded quite boring post is the fact that I am now up to 3 whole bottles a day. I love em. None of this shove it down my nose nonsense for me I like to suck the teat man. Oh yeh  diggity…

lovin the shoos

My memory is fading

As my secretary/slave – whatever you want to call him -  has been so useless at updating over the weekend I’m going to have to do this in reverse order so to speak as frankly I can’t really remember much. Anyway – news this morning is that I’m now 2.03Kg or 4lb 7oz and seem a lot calmer than yesterday. And talking of yesterday – it was my first wobble in quite a few days really so obviously put M&D on edge a bit as they and I thought we were all over that. I actually think it was down to a mechanical problem with the ‘train’ which had been stuck in the tunnel all night due to signaling problems. Engineering only got it back on track at around 6pm after me spending all day to push it out like geoff capes used to do – or was it alan jacks? Anyway because of this issue my sats were a bit all over the place, my heart rate was bonging high and I did occasionally look a bit grey. Pink good. Grey bad. So not great, nursey didn’t really think there was a problem as she was too busy eating doughnuts ….until she did actually look at me and then started talking about more blood transfusions which isn’t great – although godden the great (mr consultant) man will probably just tell me to pull myself together and have a stiff upper lip and I’ll be fine – he was the one that pumped my full of antibiotics when I had sepsis so we like him. In a brief interlude to the general crabbiness of yesterday M&D went and bought my car seat. Which readers will remember a reference to very early on. So I say to you weird smiling freak doctor from St. Marys – HA!

On Saturday it was a bit calmer really although when M&D arrived I looked like I’d been dropped into my cot from a great height and then blankets had been generally thrown in  my direction, there were 3 bits of random tissue in a ball by my face, my lovely gel pillow was by my ankles and my natty outfit with clouds on it had odd blobs on it. Ruddy bank nurses. Poor me I was getting flashbacks to Britney…. Ah I wonder how she is? Probably knocked up already bless her….

4lb 5.1oz

oh thats gotta hurt

so today i had 2 jabs - count em - 2 jabs in my butt. well in my leg actually but butt sounded better. anyway they're for erm... stuff so i needed them apparently. On stand by was parrotsatethemall and kalpol just incase i had a funny reaction - but as is my way i let out a little yelp - or more the sound of a goat being branded - yes i have begun to 'cry' but only sound like a goat at the moment - and then after that i fell asleep as they had given me a load of sucrose which in most cases would give you a sugar rush but i decided that sleep was the best medicine so dozed off with sats around 97%. obviously everyone was amazed at me again as the other one down there who looks like Homer cried his ass off for about an hour after he had the same jabs. Such a big girl.

in other exciting breaking news etc i have had 19ml from a bottle today! hurrah. This is very important as so far i have been fed through a tube which is now up my nose rather than in my mouth. In one way its nice to have a free mouth at last but it does tickle my nose quite alot so i sneeze constantly and frown. But back to the bottle - normally it takes 2 or 3 days from the first bottle attempt to get preemies to start swallowing but again like a medical marvel that i am i was fine and sucked that bad boy down. Obviously after all that i was knackered so fell asleep again.

my new outfit was ruined today after some douchebag dropped a load of milk on it - well not ruined but it certainly made me look a bit of a mess until mum all on her own changed me into some new gear so i looked cool again. Where are my converse thats what i say....

lets get physical

so had the physio round the other day, yeh oh my backs playing up a bit after the game. Anyway inga got going with her special techniques and swedish massage oil and half an hour later she declared me fit and well. I then threw up which sort of spoiled the moment.

Keep your gold stars for good behaviour Doctor do-not-so-much, what about popularity eh? where's my star for that?? Thank you all for your continued support. Big love to you all. Alfie xxx

just chillin with me mum...

Help for Heroes

On the right over there...yes over that way you'll see a little link to the Help for Heroes website who my uncle is running the Athens marathon in aid of. he's off to Afghanistan for 2 months in a few weeks  where he'll be working in Camp Bastion as a medic so if you want to support him and our boys and girls over there then follow the link and push a little wonger his way. All donations will go to improving the lives of the men and women who have been injured in iraq and Afghanistan. I was going to run the marathon as well but have decided that my little legs might just slow him up. Maybe next year....

top five....

5. i've been moved to LDU the little dude unit - low dependency as they like to call it. Like everything it was a bit of a pallaver. M&D were told at 11pm on sunday night  that i was to move as they had a new 'fat one' (35 weeker) coming in. They then tried to make out they would have moved me anyway and the lack of space was purely coincidental - yeh right - 'do you know i think we should move alfie next door....oh whats this a new fat one coming in to HDU - oh that was good timing...' hmmm anyway Dad came to see me at 7am yesterday to make sure they hadn't put me by the bins and they still went on about its not the space we would have moved him....so he gave them all wee eye and they eventually shut up and agreed it was because of the fat one arriving....

4. I am now classed as special care. My bonger is set to low and whistles and sounds like its on its last legs...clearly the funding stopped at the HDU.

3. I am the only one on the whole unit breathing on my own all the other lazy buggers have still got oxygen. That is so yesterday...At the weigh in i am now officially a chunker. 4lb 0.3oz. Although the competitive mum syndrome hits again with my new neighbours mother announcing that he was 4lb 8oz. Well done fella, however in a few weeks we shall be the same weight but you will still look like a monkey..

2. I have been moved up to two hourly feeds - something that has freaked me out in the past as i can't handle it all and reflux like mad, go bright red and then have a bradi. So understanably Mum's a bit worried. But worry not mother i am now made of stronger stuff. Dr do very little says if i tolerate it all ok i'll be on 3 hourly by the weekend. Bring it on i say.

1. They have started hinting and winking that as i am such a star and if i continue to improve i may be allowed home sooner than later..... I'm now 35 weeks and they generally keep you up to term which in itself is only another 5 weeks away. I don't reckon it'll be a lot sooner than that - maybe a week, so M&D had better start planning a little better than they are doing right now - at this rate i'll be going home in a cardboard box full of straw....

more new threads....

so today i got my prongs off!!! hurrah. at 4.30am i was in air and then at about 8am they decided that i was doing so well without them they took em completely off - so all day i have been breathing completely on my own. now i realise that to you breathing is fairly standard kind of thing but to me its HUUUGE. its the first time since i was born that i haven't had some sort of oxygen prong shoved up my nose so it felt all a bit wierd really and i spent the day clawing at my nose - as i usually do to try and pull them out but there was nothing to pull on. all very odd. but my stats have been pretty much fab all day so if there was a consultant in the house i think i deserve a platinum star. maybe two to be honest. And as i've been so fabulous it was only right i got a few presents..... up step Auntie G-lo and Uncle Dude who arrived laden with a huge variety of very cool outfits. I am going to be the best dressed little man in the unit. No more holes in my cardi for me. I am also told UD has bought me a tiny pair of converse from Las Vegas - apparently its illegal to bring back strippers so i guess the converse will have to do.... for now.

in other news i have apparently taken to peeing over my clothes quite alot so had to have another whole change of threads this afternoon. But no matter my wardrobe is growing by the day..... i just still haven't actually got a wardrobe to put them all in, just a little drawer under my bed....its like the war...xxx

Mirror mirror on my wall who is the coolest dude of them all...

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Alfie says ole! Come on espana!!

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on my best behaviour....

today i had a lovely day. my nasal prongs were actually off this morning when M&D arrived - well i say off they were stuck into the top of my nose as i had been so good lovely nursey said i was coping enough to remove them but wisely hadn't taken it off completely just incase i needed them again. and sure enough i did - but thats fine as i've generally been still on 0.01 or 0.02 as i get a tad tired sometimes and need just a little bit of extra help so thats cool. Uncle Andy, Auntie Yvonne and lauren arrived today to see me and as they're doctors - not lauren, but who knows in a few years...so i thought i should be on my best behaviour but as is my want generally when doctors are near me i go a bit funny as i think they're going to prod me or stick something in me - fortunately they didn't but as mum and yvonne changed my nappy i decided to pee into the air and cover my lovely outfit in wee which needed a complete change - hence dad was sent next door to choose me a new outfit - always a source of amusement with the nurses as he has no real idea of my size and comes back with ridiculously large - or small outfits. this time however amazingly it was ok - so after a lovely nappy change and just before they buttoned me up i decided that now was about the right time to do a huge poo. oh sorry was i not meant to do that....hahahahaha. so needed changing again. ooops. Anyway UA said i was acting 'appropriately' which in medical terms seems like i'm doing ok. I have a new book in my crib from lovely Lilly (who i might shack up with in years to come) and have stared at the stars and the picture of the cat quite alot today which is nice but seem to go a bit freaky with the picture of the dog. never liked dogs.....can't be bothered with all the walking and slobbering.....

The monkey is nothing to me. Nothing I tell you....

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Low flo Schmo flo

'its a fast moving story changing all the time' says sky news kay boring. No its not its you wandering around a wood 'just like the one Moat is in' and pretending to follow animal tracks......Anyway thats just D moaning about being in the parents room watching sky whilst the temperatures hit 100 in here. As you're not allowed to open any windows due to bugs and whatnot flying in it can get rather hot in here especially as the incubators are like mini radiators pumping out even more heat..... ha but what do i care about incubators....i'm in a cot. Go me! So far its all going rather well they've been reducing my litres and last night i was down to 2 litres and in 21% oxygen which is essentially saying i'm breathing on my own...am so clever - must be all that caffeine....

So at 11.30 last night they whipped off the low flo - well tried to get the plaster off my face which is now stuck to my hair so gave up in the end - so not exactly whipped but anyway and changed me over to nasal prongs. Yes the eagle eyed amongst you will have noticed i've always had nasal prongs in but these are a bit smaller and only deliver oxygen through them and no pressure. And at 1.45am i was on 0.01% oxygen level - essentially the lowest you can deliver and then i was in air for the rest of the night....Go me again.

This morning i'm back on my 0.01 as a pair of twins has just moved in next door and the mother is all like 'ooo whats that light for....whats that bleeping', whats that bongin' etc etc etc. sorry love don't look over here for help i am not repeat not the welcome to scbu liason officer so maybe you should just shut up and ask a nurse at some point.....

Anyway lets not end on a grumpy note M&D bought me loads of new clothes yesterday so i don't have to wear the cardi with the hole under the arm anymore. I also have a natty pair of velour trackpants. Am so street. Peace out. Word to your muther.

me and my cardi....

its official!!!

due to me being generally brilliant i've been moved into a cot - and not even a hot cot - just a cot.... so now i'm covered in blankets and have mittens on as i now have to keep myself warm rather than the incubator. pressure has been turned down to 4litres and i've been in air for over 24 hours so all good. fingers crossed touch wood etc etc etc.

I might be being moved into a hot cot!!!!! OMG.....

today is a good day

firstly the weigh in went very well as i had put 100g on in 3 days. obviously then instead of applauding me for being so big and strong M&D panicked and thought i had adema again. but no it was all muscle. well i say that my erm.... thingywotsits were a bit swollen but they said that was 'positional' as i am in an inclined position to help with my reflux so fluid generally flows downwards into that erm particular area. ahem. but then today they said it wasn't that and it was hypoclacemianonsensedadnotreallylisteningicia which is very common... oh right so ruddy common you thought it was something else....hmmm. anyway not going to get all riled as doc obi wan kenobi (or dr ben obi to give him his proper name) was rather pleased with me today - although no gold stars as he doesn't give them out - tight b*&%&. my pump litres thing (the amount of pressure the air is forced into my lungs) has been turned down again to 6litres. I was on 5 litres but had to be shoved up to 8ltre last week when i had my funny turn. Its dropped a litre every 24 hours if i'm doing ok and then when i get to 2 litres i can go on nasal prongs which is where i'm still given oxygen but theres no pressure behind it so i have to breathe completely on my own. No pressure there then.....

in other news dad changed his second nappy ever today so i gave him a really big present which was nice. fortunately for him the next door neighbour needed an xray so they booted him out halfway through it and then lovely nursey finished it off as the xray people couldn't wait another hour while he fiddled with bits of tape and tried to keep all my wires together. But in bigger news i've been out of the greenhouse twice in the last two days for a bit of me and mum time where i was all swaddled up and held in her arms like a real little fella. it was loverly. obviously after i relaxed a bit i desated and had to be put back in but then the begonias did look a little dry so just as well. And my little blue beret which only a few weeks ago made me look like a french peasant now looks like a beanie hat its so tight. so either my heads grown (at the normal rate and nothing to do with the brain bleed....just incase you're worried) or some buggers washed it and shrank it. anyway thats it for now. i shall go back to hugging the wierd brown thing thats apparently moved in with me. xx

Zzzzzzzxzz

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And the winner is......

Gayle!!!! Yes 3 lb 10 oz. So that's 100 g in 3 days. Obviously that was 2 days ago so I'm now probably about 6 stone....


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Guess my weight competition

Answers on a post(card)
Winner receives a signed copy of my new novel, "Desires of a lonely matron" and a shout out on Lion 'if the beds are rockin' don't come a knockin with that bed pan' FM, The royal surreys award winning hospital radio station.
You have until erm a bit later - oh lets use old money so its ib's an oz's if you please

Monkey business

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not out the woods but have found the breadcrumbs..

so after yesterdays pallaver the good news is i've only had 3 bradis today which is much much better. i'm still desating a bit but thats generally normal. they've doubled my caffeine intake so i'm now having the equivalent of 3 espressos twice a day which is to stimulate my brain into remembering to breathe - always handy i feel, and i'll continue on my antibiotics until the cultures come back in 48 hours to see if theres a real infection. hopefully they'll come back negative.  i'm back on hourly feeds instead of every 2 hours which helps reduce my reflux - another possible cause of bradis - so something - and we're not sure which one of those things has helped. Although i did go a bit bonkers and have tacicardia - where my heart rate leaps - yes i do keep them on their toes - when my loflo was all changed as they have to pull the sticky pads off my face which is rather painful so i went bright red and cried for the first time. ahhhh poor me. hopefully i'll have an uneventful night. so its goodnight from me and goodnight from him over there bonging away xx

Wired on caffeine

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mummy says

Darling Alfie, you couldn't be trying any harder and I am so very proud of you little one - just keep doing what you are doing (but without the bradis if you could please, as you know I find them v scary!).  I couldn't love you more.....xx

its tough being a preemie

well the transfusion seemed to go ok. no odd reactions. had a bradi at 2am but only fleeting and when dad came to see me this morning i hadn't had one all night. he went off to work. mum arrived, and then it all went a bit tits up. so to cut a very very long day short - the transfusion hasn't really worked to stop the bradi's as i've been having them all day which frankly is taking its toll on everyone but mostly my mum. i'm sorry mum, i promise i'll try harder. they've started me on antibiotics as they think i may now have an infection - my crp infection markers have increased slightly today but sometimes they cannot really tell the full story so we'll have to wait till tomorrow for a more accurate reading. I was doing so well and everything so i guess this is back to the rolercoaster they all went on about but as the doc has just said i'm older and a bit heavier than the last infection so hopefully i can fight it off a little better than last time. i hope so cos i feel like crap. xx