Normal service resumes

The rollercoaster. The ups the downs. The mountains to climb. The plateaus. They are upon us. So to bring you up to date, on Friday one of the consultants after having a row with some other doctors over Eb’s bed about what had been done and what hadn’t then asked if she could speak to both of us. Its never good news when you hear the phrase ‘is you husband around as it would be good to speak to you both – privately’ (and yes for the more detailed focused we’re not married no – but frankly have given up explaining) So at this point we’re briefly sat down with her and she says with big doe eyes and an annoyingly patronizing tone that she actually is quite busy right now so if we could wait an hour or so as shes got a meeting and then lunch presumably as she eventually turned up about two hours later – yes that’s brilliant tell us you’ve probably got bad news and then say oh but I’ll tell you later, thanks that’s great. So together with her annoying slightly sad slightly smiling big eyed face she led us into the private room with not only another doctor but also the head nurse. Now the room is full of doe eyed people staring at us. Its not feeling good – but as we have maintained all along we’ve asked to be told the truth and not to hide anything. Yes we do not want your personal assumptions or general wild theories that x or y might happen but if you’ve got something to tell us, tell it straight. And so the bendy twisty road of nonsense and awkwardness began where doe eyed consultant – not a consultant in communication – began this long winded explanation into what they had seen on his brain scan that morning but not before she had spoken to us like 3 year olds asking if we knew much about premature babies. Well not much before two weeks ago love as I wasn’t thinking then we really needed to know. It was so tortuous that we sat there thinking oh my god she can’t say what she needs to say as it’s so bad. And as the other doctor stared at his shoes and the nurse stared at the ceiling the doe eyed one started drawing pictures of a brain on a scrap of paper infront of us whilst saying oh his breathings good….So, and somewhat belatedly I had to stop her and just say, can you please stop going on and on and say what you’ve got to say. So she stopped and coughed a bit more and drew a bit more a brain. And then coughed and eventually what we were told was that the brain bleed he had had on being born was now worse and fluid had started to build up in the ventricles which was not good as this fluid is meant to wash down the spine but it couldn’t as it was being blocked by the scab left behind from the initial bleed. This would then lead to the brain swelling and therefore the head swelling which would then lead to ‘complications’. Other things about shunts and removing fluid passed over us as the idea that the little man was potentially suffering from brain damage of some kind sank in whilst the doctor still stared at  his shoes, the nurse at the ceiling and the doe eyed one was still trying to draw a brain on her pad. And then they all left.

Skip forward 4 hours. And frankly the worst 4 hours of our lives. When the head consultant comes over to inquire what we’ve been told. And again. Like last time. He says no that is wrong. You should have not been told that. And again we are in pieces. He then goes on to explain that it is not a build up as there is no evidence of that. There is no blockage. There is slight bruising created by the first bleed which is leading to a slight dilation of the ventricles. His head size has not grown other than normal growth. The problems we were told about only 4 hours before are far more likely to occur in the first five days which they didn’t. He is now ‘quite old’ at 16 days so we were not to ‘overly worry’. And then that sinks in. And you think, but that’s almost the opposite of what we were told earlier. And then you think but who’s right? And then you think, what the hell is going on. How can they be so opposite in their views and why have we been through hell for the past 4 hours now to be told oh don’t worry. And so you panic. And you worry. And you panic. And I remember writing exactly the same thing days ago. And that is the rollercoaster. And this ride is not suitable for people with a heart condition.